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May. 31st, 2010 01:16 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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*Oh hey, the stranger in this post looks awfully familiar. It's Ren, sitting in the Disney Castle library, and she doesn't look like she's gotten all that much sleep lately.
She doesn't seem aware that the video has started recording yet. She's muttering angrily under her breath and hitting herself in the forehead a lot.*
Yeah, real fricking smart, Ren. Just disappear for weeks again and not check in with anyone because your procrastination and your fricking social anxiety decided to gang up on you. Like no one would wonder or worry or anything. You know better than that! Stupid, stupid, stupid...
*She glances at the camera to see if it's ready yet and looks startled as she realizes it caught her entire tirade. Oops. She reaches out to shut it off out of embarrassment, catches herself, and sighs before deciding to own up.*
Hi, guys. No, I'm not dead, and yes, I'm an irresponsible idiot for not letting anyone know earlier. I've been... distracted lately. And stupid. Again.
I caught a ride out to Disney Castle a little while back and promptly holed myself up in the library. I wanted to see if I could research any leads on how to restore the worlds we lost to Darkness. And so far, I've had absolutely no luck. I've been looking pretty much night and day, but... *She sighs wearily and runs a hand through her hair.*
...I'm sorry, everyone. I just wanted to find a reason to give us hope. But all I've done is waste time. I'm sorry.
((OOC: And this is what happens when I get all wrapped up in making up for idling out of XI a while back. Way to go, self. But anyway, this is where Ren has been hiding for the past few weeks, cutting herself off from social contact in the midst of her research, then feeling shy and awkward when she realizes that this is not a good thing and putting things off even more.))
She doesn't seem aware that the video has started recording yet. She's muttering angrily under her breath and hitting herself in the forehead a lot.*
Yeah, real fricking smart, Ren. Just disappear for weeks again and not check in with anyone because your procrastination and your fricking social anxiety decided to gang up on you. Like no one would wonder or worry or anything. You know better than that! Stupid, stupid, stupid...
*She glances at the camera to see if it's ready yet and looks startled as she realizes it caught her entire tirade. Oops. She reaches out to shut it off out of embarrassment, catches herself, and sighs before deciding to own up.*
Hi, guys. No, I'm not dead, and yes, I'm an irresponsible idiot for not letting anyone know earlier. I've been... distracted lately. And stupid. Again.
I caught a ride out to Disney Castle a little while back and promptly holed myself up in the library. I wanted to see if I could research any leads on how to restore the worlds we lost to Darkness. And so far, I've had absolutely no luck. I've been looking pretty much night and day, but... *She sighs wearily and runs a hand through her hair.*
...I'm sorry, everyone. I just wanted to find a reason to give us hope. But all I've done is waste time. I'm sorry.
((OOC: And this is what happens when I get all wrapped up in making up for idling out of XI a while back. Way to go, self. But anyway, this is where Ren has been hiding for the past few weeks, cutting herself off from social contact in the midst of her research, then feeling shy and awkward when she realizes that this is not a good thing and putting things off even more.))
no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 06:31 am (UTC)You know, it's funny, but I have a similar bad habit when it comes to confronting people, even friends. If I've done something that to me seems wrong, even if that's only not doing enough, I can be afraid of coming face to face with a peer who might look down on me for that fault. I stall and hide away, and then not only do I have the original issue, but I'm late on top of that. Then I feel even more anxious. Of course I realize how silly it is, even while it's happening, but I have this sense of pride, you know, and sometimes I'll do anything to avoid having it publicly bruised.
Anyway, the point is, we don't blame you or think you're an idiot. We've all had it rough emotionally.
I'm still pissed as hell about losing Radiant Garden, and never quite sure whether I want to sob or kill something. Not exactly the thing to say in a pep talk, I know, but what it means is you're not alone, whatever you're feeling.
We are supposed to be a support group, remember?
no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 06:27 am (UTC)I still feel like I should have kept in touch more, though. I mean, I got so wrapped up in this project, I've ignored just about everything else until now.
Heh, yeah. I remember.
...Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 07:03 am (UTC)So we won't hate you for it and do keep up the good work.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 06:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 06:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 01:56 pm (UTC)Just because the answer isn't in a book, doesn't mean there isn't an answer. the answer wasn't in a book last time. We're flying blind now, and I know that's hard, but we can find our way. We will find our way.
And, Ren, we've got a reason to hope. It's that there's people like you willing to dedicate so much time and effort looking for answers, and people like Song willing to dream of thousands of different answers to every problem, and people like Ray and Fox and Aria, and even people like Rak, and most of all people like Sora, the list goes on and on. Between all of us, we're strong and we can take this on. And when one of us is weak, the rest of us are there to lean on.
I'm not gonna say, "It's gonna be okay." Because it won't just "be okay." We're going to make it be okay.
Now, I'm going to point something out to you. When you search a library from top to bottom and don't find what you're looking for, that doesn't mean you give up. It means you look other places. Thomas Edison and so on. The kind of book this answer would be in (assuming it is in a book) is a single, unique book or at least a very rare on. Maybe Disney Castle's library isn't the library it's in. So if you want to keep looking . . . check Merlin's books, and Yen Sid's books, and so on.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 04:50 am (UTC)Okay. I'll start making a list of potential libraries to investigate and move on from there. It might be that this really is just one of those things that requires getting out there and beating up monsters made out of primal Darkness after all, but better to leave no stone unturned, right?
no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 03:44 pm (UTC)I'll check Yen Sid's books for it while I'm doing my own research. I'll ask him, though I'm not sure he'd have an answer. If there are any immortals around who've been here for a while - Maleficent, or maybe even that James dude - we can ask them. Check Star Market when it comes around, too. Just use every resource possible, and if there's an answer to be found, it will be.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 05:09 am (UTC)I'll definitely keep my eyes peeled, though. Best of luck on your end of it, too.