(no subject)

[shadowchaser.livejournal.com]

Look, I'm using capital letters today! Writing everything in lower case might be easier, but it's driving my inner English teacher insane. Remember the rain yesterday afternoon? At first it was nice and warm outside like you'd expect for almost-June and then it just started pouring? Made me think of what my dad told me once about Vancouver, how the weather could just shift like that with no warning. Weirded out my friend Jess, she's lived there all her life and somehow never noticed...Okay, drifting. Sorry. Point is, I used to love going out in the rain, splashing in puddles, even when I was a teenager. And I wanted to do that so badly yesterday, but what with the fever and general blah and Jalen practically standing guard on me, well. Wasn't gonna happen, and all for the better. I decided sleeping was probably a smarter idea than arguing with a brick wall, so I took a nap.

This is where things get fun, and there really should be sarcasm dripping from that. I've had a few instances of sleepwalking growing up, but never anything big, and I only seem to do it when I'm really stressed out and/or sick. When I was eleven, my dad caught me trying to let myself out of the house in the middle of the night. I'd gotten the bottom lock undone but couldn't seem to figure out how to turn the deadbolt. Good thing for me. Another time I'd gone to sleep in my parent's room because I didn't feel well, and in the morning found myself curled up on my bedroom floor. The last time was back in Heatherfield, before Ryuu brought me to Radiant Garden. Apparently I got up and spread my granddad's tools all over the kitchen table before going back to bed. Really wish I knew why.

Anyway. I had this really nice dream that I was outside in the rain, just enjoying the weather, and the next thing I know, Jalen's shaking me awake, and I'm in the garden. Whoops? He had this look. Not terrified, but definitely scared. Terrified would have fit if I'd somehow gotten all the way downstairs without him noticing, but apparently he'd gone out to get some stuff once I'd fallen asleep. Safe enough, yeah?

Yeah. So I got a pointless lecture about scaring him to death, and comments about being tied down whenever he left the room, and babied until he was sure I wasn't going to suddenly drop dead from being out in the rain for...what, I think ten minutes? Couldn't have been that long, probably took me longer just getting down the stairs...

Wow, this is one of my more coherent entries since I've been sick. Or maybe it just seems that way, since I started this an hour ago. Lots of time to backspace.

boredom laced with insanity

[songbird9.livejournal.com]

I feel the need to write and I don't know what
I keep trying to work on Song of Twilight but once I actually have the text file open, my fingers refuse to move. It feels as if an ocean of words is washing against the wall of my mind, trying to overflow, but unable. It hasn't risen high enough
So I'll write here.

how long have I been sick? Is this fever burning away my brain? I hear that can happen

I really just want to fly... I want to get in a ship and drift through the technicolor cosmos of gummi space, going nowhere and everywhere

I don't ever want to walk through silver hallways again, with all their lines and straight-edged patterns like intricate maps leading the eye to nowhere and Nothing, engraved to keep our minds busy, because to stop thinking would have been to lose ourselves. I won't let the staggered drumbeat go silent again. Not until it ends forever.

There's a moth on my windowsill. I think it's dying.

I've finally destroyed my Pride with my own mistakes. There's Nothing left. Only this pounding in my chest which itself is out of place, only an echo, it must be, because my Heart is elsewhere. Flown away and gone on the wings of a sea hawk to a place I can't follow. Yet.

Myth makes Echo the subject of longing and desire. Physics makes Echo the subject of distance and design. Where emotion and reason are concerned both claims are accurate.
And where there is no Echo there is no description of space or love.
There is only silence.

So at least I have an Echo.